Hurry Up and Wait

The stress of anticipation is cruel.

As a kid, I remember that big box under the Christmas tree that was placed days before. So big, that the wrapping paper was applied in several directions and often in several styles. It dominated the room. Inevitably, a little bit of the outside of the box could be seen, or a tear from sliding the monstrous cargo, exposed just a few words on the box. "Turbo" or "Ammo" or some other joyous word for boys would be just enough information to force an immediate, explosive dance and many sleepless nights. The gift of gifts.

Mom is in a similar situation but it is much more macabre. In addition to a wonderful gift there is also a time-bomb.

Her pending surgery will likely completely abate the bulk of her health issue. I see that as a wonderful gift.  On the other hand, until she has the surgery, her very life is hanging in the balance.

Yesterday, she went to the pulmonologist. The appointment had been scheduled since the middle of last week. In short, the visit was to define the status of her pneumonia. A positive report would allow for a schedule to get her heart fixed and begin the healing process.

The cardiac surgeon is holding a spot for Friday morning.

A chest X-ray and more blood were taken. The X-ray showed some congestion in one of here lungs and she had a mild fever. Not the data we needed. The pulmonologist confirmed "no surgery until lungs are clear."

In the last week, Mom has devoted her "couch potato incarceration" to getting everything in her life in some kind of order. Lists upon lists. Her phone rings constantly.

Dog food, cat litter and cable bill. Check.
Cat food, plants brought inside and real-estate. Check.
Power of attorney, will and bequeathments. Check.
Hair. Check

She's ready to do battle.

We have heard from the surgeon that he doesn't want to touch her if there is some infection. The new valve is at great risk of being bombarded by all the little repair cells in her blood. The cardiologist approaches her malady with valid and measured concern. Infection present during a surgery like this can make for a less confident outcome. Risk. Much more risk.

Additionally, the pulmonologist believes that the lungs are still "too wet." Might require a longer stint with a respirator. Risk. More Risk.

Her blood test results came back today. Her white blood cell count was elevated and her BNP (a marker for congestive heart failure) was positive. So, there is still some infection too. To make matters even more difficult, Moms heart is still in distress. Risk. More Risk. Too much Risk.

Right now, it is "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

Early Monday morning, they will test again. If all goes well, next Thursday, Mom will get her gift.


She is in her party dress. Adrenaline is at an all time high. Hair is done. Lipstick is on. Cats and dogs are fed.

She is ready for the dance.



We just need the band to show up.